Sunday, 11 March 2018

The Arrival Of The Zarbists!

The Arrival Of The Zarbists!

The Complete And Utter History Of Dr WHO? (Part Fourteen)

And so the TARDIST done a landing on The Planet Of The Zarbists, wherein dwelled many insects of variable descriptions.

This planet, generally known as VORSIST, had giant life such as had never been seen or heard before in The Worlds Of Doctor Who. There was moths and ants and other things that have yet to be indentified, but they was all played by actors in specialist costumes which is a shock the first time you are told it, as they was all suprisingly life-like and closely resemble the many giant insects you come across in your daily routines.

There was also much attention paid to the Insect Motions that littered the six episodes and even the cameras was smeared in Vaseline to aid the happy atmospheres.

Ewen met a butterfly who had great big wings that was called Vestering and would show them off at the drop of a hat, especially to the Opticals who lived under a ground and had no wings. One of the Opticals called Lemony were jealous of Vestering's great big wings and stuck her head  in some acid shortly afterwards which were a shame as you is better off being happy with what Nature has endowed you, generally.

This were the most expensive episodes ever mounted and cost over 13 million pounds which is why they made a special effort to bring out lots of tie-in merchandise, such as 'Dr Who' Anoraks (many of whom survive to this very day, though their colours may have faded in the interims) and Zarbist Annuals, Bi-Annuals and Perrenials.

There was also Zarbist Badges which you could win by writing in and telling the production teams how much you liked the Zarbists. There were a filing cabinet set up so that if you wrote in for a second time they would know and not send you exactly the same reply, which were an idea later adopted by the popular childeren's show 'Vision On Jigsaws'.

If you did not like the Zarbists, you could also write in, of coarse, but generally you would only win a partial rebate on your Television Licence, which most peoples of the Earth was happy about, apparently.

Doctro Who also met an alien that lived in a hair-dryer which were some sort of spider thing, which makes a sort of sense as spiders can live in all sorts of places including Australia, the Outback and plugholes.

New compatriot Vichy revealed to Barbabarba how she had never heard of Aspirins before which frankly sounded somewhat unlikely, but given that Marathons are now known as Snickers (though oddly the long running race version still retains the original name) and Opal Fruits have now been rebranded as, I suppose that could happen. Maybe in the future, Aspirins have a different name such as Whiteypills or Headsoothers or somesuch.

Then the TARDIST took off again and it said that next week there would be a Lion, but that proved to be a bit misleading. I think there was a hawk or other fierce or angry bird, but there was definitively no lions that I could see on the VHS or DVD unless it was cut by the Austrian censors who objected to violent things, open mouths and foam, judging by what survived in their vaultings.

Next Episode:

"I've heard nothing..."

(By Andrew Trowbridge)

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