Fawlty Towers - The Hotel Inspectors

Fawlty Towers - The Hotel Inspectors

'FAW TY TO ER' says the sign this week, and perhaps one day I'll commit to memory which arrangement of letters appears on which episode. But you can check it on Wikipedia, it appears, which seems as good a use of the site as any other.

'The Hotel Inspectors' featured on the first 'Fawlty Towers' album along with what they called 'Mrs Richards' (i.e. 'Communication Problems') so I suspect the dialogue of this episode will be lodged in my head until the end of my days.

The series has been repeated so many times, you forget it was originally shown on BBC2. This one hails from the night of 10th October 1975, broadcast against the 'Nine O' Clock News'. BBC had an hour of comedy from 8pm, with 'Dad's Army : The Face On The Poster' and 'The Liver Birds : The Lily And The Dandelion'.

As with so much of the series, the plot is a dazzling labyrinth of misunderstandings which definitely repays multiple viewings. I'll only go into medium detail here as I'm in danger of attempting to take a screenshot every five seconds and quoting most of the lines into the bargain.

Sybil is on the phone, leaving Basil to deal with a wonderfully eccentric performance from Bernard Cribbins as Mr Hutchinson, who speaks in an annoyingly roundabout sort of way. Eventually we establish that he wants a taxi and directions, asking Basil to draw him a diagram of his intended route. During this scene, there is some confusion as to whether a box is labelled to indicate that it contains Pens or is the property of someone called Ben...

Basil's hand-drawn map marks the Post Office as 'P. Off' which leads to more confusion, but probably hints at what he thinks of this particular resident. James Cossins shows up, playing Mr Walt, who is dealt with by Sybil.

Basil has some flashcards to communicate better with Manuel, who has his own 'OK' card.
Sybil points out that Basil could be more polite to the guests as they're trying to run a hotel, not a borstal. Then she drops her bombshell - during her telephone conversation, she's heard that there are three hotel inspectors in town!

This rattles Basil, of course, and the return of Mr Hutchinson, asking if it is possible to reserve BBC2 on the TV in the evening. Bear in mind that this is 1975 and the rooms in Fawlty Towers do not come with their own tellies...

Basil is not helpful at first, but when Hutchinson points out that he has "a wide experience of hotels", Basil puts two and two together and suddenly becomes all sweetness and light.

At lunch, Hutchinson orders a Spanish omelette (after Polly has thrown him somewhat by asking if he's the Duke of Kent) but after talking to Basil and learning that the peas are frozen not fresh, he changes his order to a cheese salad.

This is where it starts to get complicated...

Mr Hutchinson has to take a telephone call at reception and Mr Walt enters the dining room and is shown to a table by Manuel, though then moved to Mr Hutchinson's vacant table once Manuel takes a look at the seating plan for today (Wednesday). Walt wants the pate and the lamb casserole, by the way.

Basil comes in and moves Walt to a third table. much to his irritation. Pointing out that he did ask the waiter, Mr Walt is told that he might as well have asked the cat.

Hutchinson returns as Walt orders some wine, although Basil has a monumental struggle with the cork and the wine has gone bad, anyway, forcing Basil to break out a replacement.

Sybil calls Basil outside and tells informs him that she overheard Mr Hutchinson's phone call. It seems that Hutchinson is not a hotel inspector at all, but actually sells spoons.

Basil is furious, but Sybil points out that Hutchinson never claimed to be an inspector and the whole thing was purely in Basil's imagination.

Back in the dining room, Basil spits the word "Sthpoons!" at Hutchinson (Bernard Cribbins doing a great bit of business, wiping his eyes). The cancelled omelette arrives and there is some discussion at to whose fault it is that the order is wrong. Hutchinson says it's the fault of the chef and Basil does not appreciate this opinion, suggesting that Hutchinson should run the place instead, trying to turf him out of his chair as there's lots to be done.

Sybil calms things down, thankfully, and takes the erroneous dish away.

Basil had put the second bottle of wine to one side, but Manuel has given it to Mr Walt. Not being able to find it where he left it, Basil asks Manuel who says that he took it. Manuel gets a spoon smacked on his forehead for his trouble and is told that he is "a waste of space". The noise the spoon makes when it hits Andrew Sachs' head is worryingly loud - so much for Health and Safety in the BBC Comedy Department...

Mr Walt's pate arrives at Hutchinson's table and this too is sent back.

Having failed to notice the second wine bottle on Hutchinson's table (the one placed there by Manuel - hope you're still following all this!) Basil opens a third one. Manuel had only tried to be helpful, but is rewarded by a jab up his rear end from the corkscrew wielded by Basil.

Hutchinson next gets the lamb casserole and complains that this is also wrong. At the end of his tether, Basil tells Hutchinson to shut up. Manuel gets a slap in passing. Hutchinson protests at his treatment and is ready to walk out, but is mollified when Polly claims that the "Shut up!" was intended for her.

A lovely little routine follows with wrong eye-lines that just ends up confusing Mr Hutchinson.
Basil discusses the topic of wine with Mr Walt who reveals that he is in the area on business with two colleagues... The magic number three causes more alarm bells to sound in Basil's head and he assumes that Mr Walt must be one of the inspectors.

The omelette has made an unwelcome return to Mr Hutchinson's table, so Basil tears it up to prevent it from causing any more trouble in the future.

Finally, the requested cheese salad shows its face, though Hutchinson is rightly unhappy with the service he has received today and begins to complain loudly.

Still thinking that Walt is the inspector, Basil tries to silence Hutchinson by clamping a hand over his mouth, which might not be the wisest choice of solutions. Claiming that he is only choking because "a bit of cheese went the wrong way", Basil slaps Hutchinson  repeatedly on the back, causing him to pass out, face down in the salad.

Basil and Manuel carry Hutchinson out of the dining room into the bar area. Ordered to call a doctor by Sybil, Basil heads for the reception area, where Mr Walt wants to use the phone. A groggy Hutchinson staggers in and punches Basil repeatedly, though he claims he's not a violent man...
Hutchinson claims that the hotel is extremely badly-run and that Basil is a very rude man (which seems a pretty fair review under the circumstances). He goes to get his belongings and does not expect to receive a bill.

Basil tries to convince Mr Walt that Hutchinson is a regular customer and loves the place, even offering Walt a free dinner to keep his mouth shut. Walt has a prior engagement and will be leaving tomorrow, so instead Basil offers him £50 (quickly upped to £60) not to give them a bad review. Basil begs Walt, pleading with him to refrain from mentioning Fawlty Towers in the Hotel Guide and becomes virtually incoherent, making strange weeping sounds.

On being told by Mr Walt that he sells outboard motors, Basil makes a remarkable recovery.

Walt swiftly heads outside just as the three hotel inspectors come into reception. They are able to see Basil and Manuel present Mr Hutchinson with a leaving present of two (shaving-foam?) pies (one in the face, one in the groan) and a jug of creamy milk in his briefcase.

A surprised Mr Hutchinson ambles out and Basil kisses Manuel (who got a fair bit of foam on him during the onslaught) on the head before turning his attention to the new arrivals...

He registers that there are three of them...

He screams in their faces...

(By Andrew Trowbridge)