The Faster Plan Of The Dales

The Faster Plan Of The Dales

The Complete And Utter History Of Dr WHO? (Part Twenty-Two)

Nerry National and Dentist Spoonbill were on holiday on a large rock in the middle of the ocean when they done this epical 12-part cereal.

They only had access to half a dozen sheets of paper, so they had to write really small, but even so they come up with a story that is generally considered to happen between 'The Myth Takers' and 'The Massicals'.

It started with Stefan having got a sword up him by the Trojans and he did not like it. Thus Dr Wh set sale for a planet on which they had Pils to ease his swellings. Catrino was also there as she was in search of a Perfect Place. I have been to Shanklin on The Isle Of Wights, and though I enjoyed Shanklin, i would not say it were Perfect, but there you go. Though there was a barn full of cider in Godshill, which were also quite good, though when we got back to the hotel, the plastic cup for washing your teeth in had a split in it and I got Bilberry Wine all over the eiderdown, which were embarrassing.

This story saw the Dales teemed up with The Magical Chin who Guarded the Solar System. I am not sure what he Guarded the Solar System from, possibly being loaded on the back of a lorry and driven away as would later happen to the TARDIST, but you would need a big lorry to steal the Solar Plexus and you'd probably hear it reversing and thus the Police would be called anyway. So frankly, I think The Magical Chin were playing up his impotence just to impress the Dales.

The Dales had a special can that were full of some Vital Ranium that were mined from Uranus. Thus took fifty years, apparently and no-one noticed, which makes me question what had distracted them for so long. I expect there were an ITV Telethon on or something as they generally go on for a very long time and can dull the senses.

The Vital Ranium powered the dreadful Time Deconstructor which could turn back time. If I could turn back time (if I could find a way) I would try and save the episnodes of this story as they themselves were Deconstructed, which is an irony.

One part of this tale were shown on Christmas Day, which happens all the time these days, but in those days it were a new thing altogether. Stefan went in a Police Station and dressed up as a Copper, which is not the same as Mr Copper, who was the man that didn't know much about History in 'Dr Who And The Titanic Ship' which were also on Christmas Day.

Then the TARDIST landed in a sawmill and it were sawed in half like in 'Laurel & Hardy And The Sawmill' but fortunately Dr WHo had some Evostick so it were all right in the end. By this point Catrino had been sucked off into Space, and Brent Viron had been shot, but I have not mentioned him before now, so I would not really worry about that.

Then The Fiddling Friar (or Peddling Punk as he may also be called) come to Egypt and disguised himself as a Mummy but then he landed on some ice and were out of the story.

Then The Tim Destructoid were activated and Sarah Kinsman aged to old age. And thus were Dales defeated!

Dorctor Who then complained that the planet were all dusty and he had got sand in his espadrilles. And so they went in search of the New Adventures...

Next Episode:

"You'll need that..."

(By Andrew Trowbridge)