All The Romans Have Some Roads

All The Romans Have Some Roads

The Complete And Utter History Of Dr WHO? (Part Thirteen)

'Dr Who And Some Romans' opened with Ewen on his back enjoying some Roman gropes whilst Doctor Wh tucked into an ant's egg. This was a sure sign that this would be the first Doctr. Who story written like a comedian as there would be comical scenes galore such as Barbabarb being chased whilst Ewen and his new friend Telos had a row with some sailors.

Dr Who also took Vichy up the Appian Way whereby they found a dirty old lyre in a bush. This was a clever play on words as 'lyre' sounds a bit like 'liar' if you use the right accent and many viewers at home laughed at this point which was an annoyance to them fans who was pressed up against the telly with a tape recorder recording it off the telly onto tape.

This led to the rumour that 'The Roman Planet' had been broadcartered with a laugh track but this were untrue as the live studio audience got on the wrong bus and ended up sitting on some BBC packing cases at the back of 'The Good Old Days' wherein there was Tommy Trinder ("You mucky people!") and Ali Bongo ("Piff, paff, poof!").

Doctor Who also done a fight in which he threw a assassinine around a room like a whirling Dervish (who later returned in ('Doctor Who AND The Spaced-Out Pilates'). As William Hartley-Hare were the leading man and the series would be in trouble if he done an injury to himself during this fight scene, they told him to be careful, thus fulfilling Health & Safetyness. But he still broke an unexpected pot over the man's head as he were a Loose Canon (hence the name of the popular range of Reconstructive Videos - so called because they put broken things back together again).

An impotent historial figure in 'Doctor Who Discovers Roman Days' were Nero, who had been played by various actors in his time. This incarnation (as they are called) of Nero had special stools, which Doctor Who nearly sat on at one point! That could have caused a ruckus and no mistake!

He were also musical - but he did not have a fiddle, as is generally thought. Doctor Who plucked his instrument in full view of everyone, but nothing come out, though everyone pretended it was all fine and he were just tired so as not to embarrass him.

There were a man called Maximal Pentallian who looked like Doctor Who apparently, but they never met, so that were a bit of a waste of time to be honest, hence there never being another story in which anyone looked like the current Doctor Who, except for the ones that did, obviously.

Then everything caught fire and they went back to the Vila and took off in the TARDIST, which were immediately caught by an unknown farce which started dragging everything down, as can happen...

Next Episode:

"What do you mean?"

(By Andrew Trowbridge)